Men's shoes suck.

It wasn't that I didn't have anything better to do. I had plenty of things to do (and still do. Alas.). But shopping for men's shoes has become the most arduous and confusing of tasks. Are these cool? Aren't these kinda ridiculous? Surely no one would ever by those. Perhaps these aren't so bad, but can I find them cheaper on another website? Fuck, are they even me?

It all started last Thursday night, wandering through Andersonville/Uptown, stumbling upon a place called Alamo Shoes or something. I was early meeting someone for dinner, so I strolled in. Needed flip flops/shoes. Big fan of impulse purchases. I found some Rocket Dog brand flip flops with a plaid strap that were kinda cool, but it had graphics where my dirty feet go (oddly enough, according to a google image search, only women have dirty feet). Also, they were $40. For flip flops. And in my experience, flip flops that make the effort to look cool fall apart within 24 hours.

Also, I found some shoes that were $100 by Born, and they looked sturdy and like something that would work for me - if I were willing to drop $100. Something I'd decide after trying them o...oh wait. They shut the lights off. Store closed. I was locked in and had to be let out. Fuck those guys.

Truthfully, the search for new shoes had begun a few months ago, when my big toes (plurality noted) punctured holes in the canvas of my Vans. I looked inside my Puma's and discovered that the padding had worn to the plastic. (I like having a couple pairs of shoes to wear regularly, 'cause my feet get smelly. "One to wear, one to air" my momma always said.)

Enough screwing around. Time to buy.

Okay - google 'mens shoes.' Thousands of websites to choose from - at least 15 at your immediate disposal, including the sidebar links. Okay, screw that. Shoes.com. Amazon.com. Zappos.com, where I'd gotten my now punctured Vans. Shopping.com and pricegrabber.com suggested different shoes and which website to find them the cheapest. Tens of thousands of different pieces of footwear were offered to me. That's not at all daunting!

I guarantee you - in the past 24 hours, I've looked at a few thousand pairs of shoes and flip flops, easily. I don't think my criteria was too tough for a kinda picky dude: shoes/flops that appear well made, comfortable (enough), not too bland, not bizarre, not typical but not overtly atypical, have a return policy (shopping for shoes online sucks enough already), and most importantly, fit my personality.

Literally, over seven hours of searching and wall smashing and Advil breaks later, I decided on these (in brown/hemp), these and these. Overall, I think I did well, and I kicked the shit out of getting good prices. I think I'll be satisfied when they come, but if I open the box, show my oft trendy roommates and they placate me with a 'uhh, yeah man, sure, cool,' I'll slit my wrists and neck and blow my head off black metal style.