True Norwegian Black Metal by Peter Beste

When I first cracked the cover of True Norwegian Black Metal in the CTA subway in downtown Chicago during rush hour, I saw the one and only pair of boobies in the entire book. Covered in blood (cow's blood, I learned), along with the rest of her bare body. I looked left and right, then back at the boobies, concluding that even awesome boobies like hers look less awesome when doused in blood. I flipped the page and saw a pig's head on a stake, front and center, decrepit and brutal and metal. If I had vomited, that would not have been very metal. But if I had vomited and set off a chain-vomiting, that would have at least been cool.

I first heard about Beste's photography book on NPR, thanks to Morgan. The photos span a seven-year timeline, indicating that Peter Beste is, in fact, insane, but he takes gorgeous pictures (gore-geous, for the bad pun lovers). Accomplishing what few have, Beste befriended these "corpse-painted" and spiked black metal folks, enough to snap some pretty intimate photos of them, capturing the black metal lifestyle. Let's not forget - the Norwegian black metal movement became famous for its lack of regard for others, what with the on-stage murders and burning of churches throughout the country and such. One picture shows a band performing in front of a naked dude, hanging from a cross, and just behind a line of animal heads, atop stakes, facing the audience. There might even be fire in it, too, I dunno, the picture was too metal for me to remember. For an outsider to achieve any level of intimacy with this sect of people, who thrive on individualism exclusively (hence murdering each other, when applicable), he must be commended for a job well done.

Now, time for the smashing of this book.

This book does not have page numbers. So I can't be like, 'Dude, check out the bloody boobies on page...' ya know? And that really sucks. Also, the introduction is like, not at the beginning. Actually, there's some other shit after the pictures start that I assumed was the introduction, but it's not. Just a couple paragraphs. I don't know what they were. But flip through another 20 or 30 bloody pages, and there it is! The introduction! Someone should torture the editor into believing what an introduction is, because clearly, he doesn't 'get it.' Oh, and this intro (not ready to blow its load too early, apparently) took up two full pages, so I declared it too long to read before I formed an opinion about the book, much like the stuff after the glossary of images. There were some more cool pictures there, too, but way too many words for me to care about. I didn't pay for words.

Regardless, this book is more br00tal than your dead dog. Buy it, put it on your coffee table, and never have a girlfriend ever again.