What Would Jesus Buy? Not Rev. Billy's Bullsh*t, I'd Like to Think

The Reverend Billy Talen is kind of a douchebag. He's the reverend of the Stop Shopping Church... or something. I dig Billy's message - Americans consume too much. Wal-Mart sucks. We're entering a "Shopocalypse" every Christmas season (although I'm mad you made a good name like "Shopocalypse" lame and trivial), and it's gotten out of control (!!!).

So Billy had a light bulb flash on in his head.

I'll talk to these consumers like they're idiots, Billy thought. I'll bring a choir with me, the Stop Shopping Gospel Choir (yeah!), that sings Christmas Carols with modified lyrics to make fun of our shopaholic culture (YEAH!). And that's what he does. Oh, and I'll keep my hair dyed beach-blonde in an out of style Kurt Russell-like pompadour so absolutely NO ONE takes me seriously!!!

Good idea, Billy.


So we watch the documentary What Would Jesus Buy? and see Billy go to malls, families' doorsteps, The Mall of America, and Disneyland, to name a few, to change consumers minds for the month leading up to Christmas. I'm in favor of this kind of subversive behavior. But my problem with Billy is that he cannot get over himself and his ego enough to put true importance into his message. By being a joke, his mission is a joke. And unfortunately, he's actually on a noble mission.

If you want to invoke humor into your cause, whatever it may be, don't do it at the expense of your cause. Or else you just look like an idiot like Billy Talen.

I'm not sure that the makers of What Would Jesus Buy? wanted me to walk away feeling this way. I think it wanted to show a bizarre slice of Americana, a la or The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters or Confessions of a Superhero. But those films captured aspects of their subjects that made them human and (sometimes) endearing. I can't tell if WWJB wanted me to like Billy, shop less during Christmas, or not take any of the 90 minutes seriously at all.

Damn you Netflix and your suggestions. They're usually good, but you misfired on this pile of garbage.

Can I get a bah humbug? Eh, Jesus? How bout it? Can you hook that up, brother? Psh. Not bloody likely. You probably wouldn't even shop at Wal-Mart, you unAmerican goon.