Hey, Rod Blagojevich - Eat a Turd.

Here's the thing, Rod. You're a turd. And your first name remains synonymous with words like 'cock' and 'johnson,' to name a few.

I won't pretend like I know much about Rod Blagojevich beyond what a turd he is, but I can confidently claim that I know enough about Rod to state that he is, in fact, a turd. And he should eat himself.

About a month ago, Rod signed a gun control bill, under which the adult who provides a minor with a firearm will serve a sentence just as bad as the minor's sentence for using said firearm. Which is great, because our prison system is so excellent and rehabilitative, especially for dudes who give kids guns. Referencing the number of children murdered this summer as a primary reason for action, he said:

"Twenty-eight of those [twenty-nine murdered] kids are African-American and Latino. Hard to imagine that that would be acceptable if that were, in fact, the case in other parts of the city or in a middle-class suburb somewhere," he said. "Something is wrong, and this violence has to stop."

Good call, Rod. Thank goodness someone was brave enough to say what we were all thinking, and that the fucking National Guard might be a solution!

But perhaps he's onto something. Perhaps Rod's just ahead of his time, thinking that bringing in the National Guard will solve Chicago's violent crime problems that are rising OUT OF CONTROL!!! AAHHHHHHHH!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES AND LET THE MILITARY HANDLE THESE OUT OF CONTROL MINORITIES AAAHHHHHHH SO WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY THAT THERE MIGHT BE A BIGGER PROBLEM THAT'S CAUSING THE OUT OF CONTROL (AHHHHH!!!) VIOLENT CRIME RATES IN THE MINORITY COMMUNITIES!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

...

AAAHHHHHHHokay. Forget that CPD spokesperson Monique Bond also mentioned that 2008 is projected to be one of Chicago's least deadly years in the past 40 years, 'cause like, who ever listened to the CPD spokesperson anyway? Rod's office all but called him a numbnuts turd by reiterrating he had no plans to bring in the National Guard to stave off violent crimes, shortly after he made an ass of himself by saying he would consider bringing in the National Guard to help stave off violent crimes. Though he hadn't put much thought into it (NO, REALLY?!), other options include putting state troops in white neighborhoods so the roughnecks of the CPD can tear up the black and latino neighborhoods - again, in order to stop violence - or just asking retired cops to come back and fuck shit up. Temporarily.

I could elaborate on where the real problem is, insert some more fruitful opinions or whatever, but when our idiot governor gives idiotic opinions like bringing the National Guard to Chicago, ya know. I'm compelled to be a dick about it. Or a 'rod,' if you will.

Also - notice any resemblance?



Sorry, Michael. You didn't deserve that. But whatever.